THE REFRAME
Most guys think attraction dies when they say the wrong thing. It doesn't. It dies when they start wanting something from the conversation - and she feels them check out before they even ask.
THE SITUATION
Imagine this. Sunday morning. You're at a coffee shop and you notice her - laptop open, seat empty across from her. You've been in this moment a hundred times. Usually you talk yourself out of it.
Not today.
You walk over. Ask if the seat's taken. She pulls out an earbud, smiles, says go ahead. You sit. Make a comment about the crowd. She laughs. Closes her laptop halfway.
For the next ten minutes, you're in one of the best conversations you've ever had with a stranger. She's a physical therapist, just moved here, asks where to find good tacos. You're relaxed. She's laughing. It feels effortless.
So you go for it.
"Hey, I've gotta run, but I'd love to grab a drink sometime. What's your number?"
Something shifts. Her smile stays but her eyes change.
"That's sweet, but I actually have a boyfriend."
You play it cool, say nice to meet you, and walk out.
Then you replay it. All day. All week. What went wrong? She seemed into it. Was she just being polite the whole time? Was there even a boyfriend?
Here's what actually happened: The conversation didn't fail when you asked for her number. It failed about two minutes before - when you stopped being present and started thinking about the close. You were still sitting there, but she felt you leave.
That shift - from connection to transaction - is what "I have a boyfriend" is really about.
In this week's premium deep dive, I break down exactly why this happens, the psychology underneath, and the specific scripts and internal shifts that keep you present when it counts.
THE CHALLENGE
This week, start one conversation where you want absolutely nothing. No number. No outcome. Just be there. Then leave before you want to.
Notice what it feels like when there's no agenda. That's the energy that made those first ten minutes work.